The truth is no one knows. For all the clamoring and falling over one another, we aren’t sure, we don’t know, can’t be certain, undecided, indifferent… We don’t know what we want. We don’t know what is possible. We’re unhappy.

We achieve? We gain? You finally obtain that goal? Got enough money, married the guy with money, or the guy for his mind, or the girl for her tits, or didn’t for all those one night stands, or even choose him/her so you could specifically fool around. 3 days later your bored. no longer satisfied. We don’t really want to be happy, we enjoy the quick fix. We look down on that heroin addict, we gnash our righteous teeth at him and push our secretly promiscuous thirteen old daughters behind us as if to shield them from some communicable disease of living, only because we see our own sick, sweaty, wanting faces peering needily, futilely, and desperately staring back at us. We hate that reflection of resonance.

Do we embrace this? Sure we do. Half of us that even protest do so with so little conviction we fall right over if pushed. China sent tanks to mercilessly run down it’s insurgents, we can just ignore ours, we can nudge them into quiet. That half of us, just wants to look good all day.

Knowing our own insatiable habit, we still want more. one by one, little by little, a sorrow few of us gain our goals in completion, in finality. With nothing left to gain or garner we set about destroying it fast and  or slow, we set to the real addictions of drinks lined with guilt and sex, with fixes that have a passed “best by” date and a skin of leavings on top.

We don’t care because we care so much. We hear so much and listen so very little. We smile and help while we’re turning our heads. We let them go out the backdoor on all fours while we shield them from the truth out front. Selling our own blood because interaction is such a hefty bill, a real look in the eyes  makes us honest, and honest won’t make this fucking itch subside. We keep applying the prescription of money, but the rash is still on the rise, our modern snake oil has failed us again.

So here we are. We want it all for doing nothing and so no one is king. The most mediocre is fame. Nothing is to die, to gain is to kill oneself, and to do just enough to get by is royalty. If your anything else, but here, then you’re not even real.

So I’m just the jerkoff guessing your weight, making you pay in time for information you already know but hate to hear out loud.

Why! Why the hell does Honda run these ads? Why so often?

You know the first time I saw one I thought it was for some kickass water gun. Then the punchline, Honda has made a Hydrogen Fuel car.

“NO!? A hydrogen Fuel car? It’s almost as if I really did see that episode “30 Days” like 2 years or more earlier. It’s also as if they really did cover that very car, where the CEO actually drank the water that came out of the tailpipe.

I see this ad nearly every other day. What do they want me to do? I checked they’re only trying them in areas with Hydrogen fuel centers. That’s like Bakersfield or something. So why run the ad nationwide? Why not include that you can actually make Hydrogen fuel pretty simply in your garage.

Then there’s McCain. For the love of god sir, give the 3 mil to Honda, or maybe the guy who made the first electric car ages ago in the nineties.

I’d like to make an analogy here. Yugo automobiles were better automobiles, than the American government is a government. Let me go one step further and say that Yugos, as automobiles, were just about the worst pieces of crap you could ever hope to accidently waste several grand on.

Well, what can be said for our country? Can’t solve poverty, can’t manage credit (re: paying minimum payments with SS funds, repeatedly), moron leader, mis or false representation (major reason for founding country)… it goes on. So, we were going to go over and fix all these other countries? So we’re the fat lady in that movie? The meddlesome one we all hate causing more problems than fixing, because she can’t even fix a sandwich, let alone her life, let alone someone else’s life.

That’s great. Thanks a lot, conservatives. Yeah, you guys are just leaking quality aren’t you? Don’t go patting yourself on the back liberal. It’s half your fault, and it’s been your fault before. You both suck. You’re the past, over, useless. Get out of the way, it’s time to back and yet forward. Preserving what should be, like a responsible government truly for and by the people with honesty, and removing the rest.

Party politics…. scoff. A pathetic, unintelligent, archaic and antiquated system is what it is. It only worked by monopoly and the sad social system of early America. Don’t read polls. What does a poll prove? Who investigated that poll, were they thorough, was it verified? Pragmatism, people, pragmatism.

Indeed. Ask a question. Question an answer. Nothing is more American than saying, Prove it, or Why, or No. Only we don’t say it nearly enough. Suddenly we of all countries are the ones afraid to question? And no one is even holding a gun, or standing at a pulpit. Except that moron. Does anyone here fear him?

I’d love to meet someone still rooting for Bush. Still believing. It’s disturbing at the very least.

We’re the saddest example of a free country, at best. I hate it, it makes me sad. How’s that go? We’re the smartest guy at remedial camp? The happiest guy at a depression clinic? We let our freedom go, we don’t even notice it leaving. We notice when we need it and it’s gone, and we let it happen because we’re kept fat. It’s the smartest of all the tyrannies. It’s like smuggling drugs on purpose into ghettos in third world countries. No revolution, the citizen is seemingly, falsely happy. He does what he’s told to get the drug, to stay happy, doesn’t rock the boat, and is locked into it. He’s a better slave if so happy he cannot think. Only this is even more sad. It’s not drugs!

It’s time for change. I’d like to see us depart from world politics. Bring our troops home. Stop using a system based on fluctuating markets. You want to know what I find sad & un-American? We need to borrow money. Yeah, we’re really powerful. I’d like to see us make real change. I’d like to see us go for the common good, JUST ONCE, the first time around rather than later… late… uh… never.

Anything is better than this. Obviously what we have now doesn’t work. Let’s not be complacent and boring let’s actually… maybe… be the fucking best, eh?

Birthday.

Where is the justice, karmatic or not, in only having good vision when looking where you have already been? The theory that says that if we were right where we need to be, happy, and truly enjoying our lives that really we’d be unhappy. This theory always existed. You only know it now probably because you liked the Matrix movies. Who knows, I could be wrong, maybe your well read. Regardless, it’s bullshit I think. I know we define the good by the bad, but it’s like any recipe, you find the perfect mix of ingredients that makes the cake taste and texture above all others. In life you would have to find that mix of happiness and unhappiness, good and bad, that your forever in that state where your simply content. I think it’s possible, maybe not in this current world, with it’s rules and policies, it’s society. Sure relativity tells us that a small bad is the worse for any man. I mean if all you knew of the worst thing ever is jail, then being raped is something you could say was bad but you don’t know and it’s not your hell, your hell is jail, it’s relative. So you supplant the memories of crises and tragedy, and they have the frame of reference but none of the actual “issues”. I believe in it, but then maybe I must.

Passed that first interview for the Linux job. They use CentOS, so that’s good. But it’s not coming fast enough. I’m in real despair over this Wal-Mart job. If one more motherfucker out there at that warehouse tells me how getting a job at Wal-Mart changed his life I might just actually die from it. I’ve had a great many jobs, some were terrible, some great. This is neither of those, it’s okay at best. Wal-Mart loves to blow it’s own trumpet though, maybe it likes the taste, who knows.

Why is that all the best songs have been around two years? Why do I refuse to like popular things until they aren’t popular and then love them? This song’s been out since 06 and only now did I hear it and realize it’s one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. Aren’t those the best? Like anything good they never seem to come often enough. Boy, if that isn’t a theme for me lately. Maybe all this leads to something and maybe it doesn’t, but getting there, at least at times is worth every moment.

Moments. That’s all were made of. Suspended reality in time. Smells, a song, her smile, his goodbye, their last words. Anyone who denies themselves these feelings, probably men far more than women, I really feel for them. Magnolia comes to my mind. I meet people all the time to but only some do I ever connect with. I don’t mean those casual friends, or friends of convenience. I mean the real ones, people you can say embarrassing things to and not be embarrassed, even if they do give you a hard time. They simply know you and accept. Those people. Seems there are far fewer of them these days. What is the end result of all of this? Would I want to see it if I could.

At any rate, whatever it is is coming and it’s not taking any roadside cafe stop and rests. I say despite the not knowing, the indecision, the fear… despite all that I say let it come. It’s all been just leading to it anyway, our moments to have fame, to fear, to lay down, to die, to be something…